And this is a journal. (of self-loathing, read if you feel like it.)

After recently reading an old friend's journal about him getting old... I'm sort of feeling the same. Not old in actual life, but rather, virtual life. I've been on the internet for... well, I can't really remember when I started. Seven years ago? Something like that. And... well, friends come and go. I'm lucky to have kept a tiny few that I'm still able to contact when I want to. It's just odd... I wish I could keep current with my old friends, but that's just not the case.

All this time spent on the net just makes me want to... well, DO something with my life. Get a job, get a girlfriend... Well, I'd like both of those. I enjoy working if it benefits me in return, just as long as it's work that has nothing to do with my recreational activities. This is quickly turning into a rambling page of self-regret.

Hopefully my life will pick up and I'll stop resorting to the net and my close personal real life friends to run my life schedule. I've already got a girl in mind... and I'm... fairly sure she feels at least somewhat the same. I really don't know... But I do know that I enjoy being around her. A lot. Even if it's just awkward silence. Her parents are great, her siblings aren't annoying, and her house and neighborhood are beautiful. Plus, she's not really that far of a drive for me! She's even into most of my interests. Anime, Manga, Video Games, and all the other crap that I'd get made fun off for if I wasn't so... quiet about it. Haha. Feel free to rail on me now in my moment of weakness.

As for a job... well... It's just a lack of motivation, really. I WANT a job... I'm just really lazy to search for one. And when I want to... well... I just sit in this chair I'm currently sitting in and surf the net. Not very productive. I have good contacts... I could get a well-paying job. It's weird. I suppose once I get my foot in that proverbial door things will look better for me.

I typed more than I thought I would... And I said "I" way too many times. Now I feel as if my creative writing skills are dumping down the drain. Oh well, it IS 6:30 in the morning and I haven't slept yet. Turning into a vampire, it seems. Feels good to get this sorta stuff off my chest, even if it is reserved more for livejournal. But... Yeck, screw Livejournal. I'm not THAT desperate anymore.

Thanks for reading. At least, for three or four people that will. I've got no idea why I posted this on DeviantART.

And yes, Sam, I was talking about you. Consider this some sort of... confession? Sorry I didn't have the guts to tell you on IM or by Phone. I'm a shy bastard, I am.